Mother’s Day…

Mother’s day was very different for me this year. It was good, it was sad, it was just another day. On one hand I have my beautiful boy, he’s 3 and full of life and love and happiness and I don’t know where I’d be without him. He made me a momma, he’s taught me all about unconditional love and enjoying the moment, so for him the day was wonderful and a day of being thankful for all that I have. On the other hand, I kept thinking about our angel, our sweet little Gavin who should have been happily kicking me from the inside on mother’s day, who should be making his debut so soon. No one mentioned him all day and that sort of made me even sadder. I didn’t expect anyone too really, but I thought maybe. My hubby always helps my son make me a homemade mother’s day card and while it was beautiful and I loved it and will always cherish it, I know without a doubt that if I was still carrying Gavin, he would have been included in the card as well. I feel like he’s being forgotten, and I get it, I really do, but it’s so hard for me, I’m still not ready to let go, but I have nothing to hold on to. Life goes on, and you have to keep living it, and I want to keep living it, for myself, my son, my husband, for everyone and yet, how can you keep on living, keeping on going, doing, being when a huge part of your heart, your life is missing?