Strategy…

Get it? Strategy?? You know because of Operation: Secret Baby. Am I taking the whole operation part of my title too seriously? You’ll know I’ve gone to far when I start referring to the hubby as “The General”.

Moving On…

We are 6 weeks past the M/C & D&C. I have yet to have my cycle yet, which is really no surprise, I’m about as regular and on time as the cable repair man. I was on cycle day (CD) 65 when I finally ovulated (O’d) for the baby we lost. So needless to say who knows when AF will show? I have an appointment with my OB on 3/17 to discuss what to do next. She mentioned progesterone to regulate (with a side of estrogen for what I’m not sure??) and she also mentioned Clomid. I’ve been doing some research, google and I are totally BFF’s, and from my research I’m well… confused. I obviously ovulate pretty late in my cycle (hello day 65), which makes me wonder if when I do ovulate if the egg quality is shabby?? Also, I’m worried that if we go to progesterone will I even ovulate, and if I do will I have a long enough luteal phase? I so should find a new BFF right? I’ve got a list (er.. notebook) of questions and concerns to talk to her about in March. I really like (love) and trust her so I’m sure I’ll follow her willingly down the path she deems best.

So what to do until then? Well, other than obsessing (I mean obviously) I’m trying to get myself as healthy as humanly possible. I’ve been working out like I’m a classic gym rat, spinning, weights, running, 8 mile hikes – and honestly I feel great. I also know that the working out is helping with the depression from loosing our sweet boy. I’m also trying very hard to eat as clean as possible, cutting out processed foods, sugar, white flour, etc… it’s not easy, because well, it’s just not. The bad stuff is easy and comfortable, but I’m trying and honestly seeing the rewards of my hard work already. My jeans are looser, my muscles are actually visible, and I feel, well, I feel good.

Feeling good of course leads to a whole new issue with feeling guilty for feeling good, when I think I should feel like it’s impossible to feel good. Grief is fickle and mean and awful like that, but hey, that’s a whole other post for later!