Along for the ride…

I’ve been all over the board emotionally lately. Normal right? I guess. Some days, like yesterday for example, I have good days. I get to the gym, I spend time with my 3 year old, I clean the house and make a nice dinner. Then there are days like this past weekend, where I can’t function. I cry over everything, I have no patience what so ever, I’m angry, I check out emotionally. I hate those days, I feel so guilty for my grief, guilty that it takes away from the son I am so fortunate to have, guilty that it makes me short tempered with my hubby. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Then again, I wake up on days like today and feel guilty for having a good day yesterday. Guilty that I can function, guilty that I can think about trying again, guilty for laughing, smiling, feeling ok, when here I am, without my baby growing inside me.

I’m tired of the highs and the lows. I want for this ride to be over. I want the pain to go away, to be able to take a breath with out feeling as if my chest will cave in. I want my baby back.