Today...

I went to a baby shower today for a very dear friend, I only got teary eyed once, so I guess I did pretty well. It was at times hard, the last time we had gotten together we were both pregnant, she 16 weeks, me 12, we’d compared bellies or the lack there of and talked about all the fun we’d have being pregnant together. Now she’s 36 weeks, and I keep thinking I should only have 8 weeks left, instead I’m waiting to see if the prometruim will work and if on April 1st I’ll get AF.

She looked beautiful, the cutest little basketball belly ever. I put my hand on her tummy and felt her baby move and felt my heart twist. Watching her in those moments when the conversation was buzzing with each moms birth stories, and she sitting back rubbing her belly in that perfectly content zone, probably not hearing what anyone had to say, feeling her baby and just being in the place of bliss, reminded me of how I do want to try again, how desperately I want to have another child.

After the party was over she walked me outside and asked how I was, she’s just that kind of friend, to be concerned, to know that it would have hurt worse to have not been invited yet she knew I was hurting being there all the same, we talked for a bit and as always, I felt better for just being in her presence. I’m glad I went, I’m glad that I was able to surround myself with her good energy and I’m glad that I realized that while I’m terrified, I want to try again.