(.)

Today I started my first cycle after my miscarriage. I’m relieved and angry and sad and depressed. On one hand I’m relieved, it’s here, it’s only been 53 days since we lost our son so it’s a pretty short cycle for me, now I have 33 days until my OB appointment and I feel like we can move on if we choose too. On the other hand it’s just another slap in the face, another kick in the teeth, that screams “Hey, you DON’T have a baby growing inside you anymore!!” and that sucks. I’ve had a rough week, probably due to the extra hormones and the onset of this cycle. I would really like to get back to a good place, the place where I feel as if I can try again, that it will be ok to get pregnant again. I want so bad to get back to dreaming and hoping and thinking that maybe just maybe things can work out. Mostly though, I’m just scarred and emotional and upset.